remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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