Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
