I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
