My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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