i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
