I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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