Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
