remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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