dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
