It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
