I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
