I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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