Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
