that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
