im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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