The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
