I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
