At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
