so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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