i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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