yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
