I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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