I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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