I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
