just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
