life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
