You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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