idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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