I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
