Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
