im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
