Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
