Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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