Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
