So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
