We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my poor anus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
