great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
