I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
