I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
