I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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