my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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