I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
