dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
