New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
