I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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