I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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