Banned from zoo.
Again?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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