Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
