Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
