i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
