it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
