I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
