he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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