this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
