i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
