Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
