now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
