You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
