singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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